Thoughts while climbing

Hello Everyone,

I went indoor rock climbing again recently. If you know much about the sport, what I was doing is called bouldering, where there are no ropes, but you don't go very high. Like climbing boulders, not mountains.

Most gyms, including the one I went to, have specific routes on the walls, indicated by coloured tape at the bottom and top holds. They show you where to start and where to end, but you have to figure out how to get from one to the other. It's part of the fun, the mental challenge of puzzling out the route as well as the physical challenge of hauling your ass up the wall.

* Note on terminology: A hold is the piece of simulated rock that is bolted to the wall. It's what you hold onto as you scamper up. Some are large and provide good grip, others much less so. A route is the sequence of holds you take to make it to the top.

Here are some thoughts going through my head at any particular moment:

"Pfft. Who needs technique when you have Raw Power!" ~1 minute later "Good lord, my arms are about to fall off." "Woot! Nailed it! Everyone see that!" *slips* Thump! "Woops. Hope no one saw that." "Seriously, is every single lady here wearing yoga pants?" *discreetly scans room* "Yep, okay then. Eyes on the wall." "Pfft, whatever. This hold is way too easy. Come on guys, I need a challenge." *literally, the next route I try* "You cannot be serious, that's not a hold. That's a pimple on the wall." "There seems to be some mistake, it says there is a route here, but there's just a few nubs someone randomly attached to the wall. They must have forgot to put more up. I should tell the staff." "Holy liftin'! That twiggy hipster just climbed it." "Sure, that old man just crushed this route I couldn't finish, but he's got, like, years of experience and wisdom on how to do it properly. Nothing to be ashamed of." "Aaaand, that 12 year old just crushed it too."

"Why am I so scared of falling? It's not that high, and there are big mats on the floor."

"Oh, right. Evolution."

*barely makes it up a route in the second easiest category*

"Booyah! I'm ready for Yosemite! Alex Honnold has nothing on me!"

"If I scratch my butt with chalky fingers, will I leave a hand print on my ass?" "Thank god I'm so lanky. I'm really cut out for this sport." "Just kidding, I'm like a T-rex in climbing shoes."

#Sports #Attemptathumour