At this point, I think the Internet is largely theoretical

Hello Everyone,

I originally sent this email on August 21st, 2014.

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About the only evidence I have the the Internet is a real thing is the fact that I am writing you an email, work all day long on a computer hooked up to the Internet, and that previous to August 1st, I had the Internet coming into my home for about 15 straight years. Currently, however, I do not have this service in my home, so you can see why I would be a little unsure about whether it's a real thing. The evidence is shaky, the jury's still out. It's not that I don't want Internet services in my home, it's just that arranging to get it is a devilishly complex task for the companies that provide it. It's like getting bottled water sourced from trapped underground lakes in Antarctica. Of course we all want that, but it takes an expedition of scientists and adventurers to get it. So far, I've had three different 'technicians' try to set me up, but if I wanted to send you this email from my home, I would have to write it down on a piece of actual paper and deliver it to you in person. Not one of the three was able to actually set up Internet services in my apartment, which is surprising because I live in a fairly well-populated area, and my assumption had been that these guys do nothing but set up Internet connections all day. That assumption appears to be wrong. The first challenge in getting set up, what one might think of as the first obstacle in a gauntlet, and the one that took out the first two 'technicians' was my window. The cable didn't come out of the wall far enough, so they had to open the window to get at it from the other side. They could not. But I could, because apparently I'm amazing at opening windows. Granted, I've been doing it for a long time, so I'm something of a natural. The third guy, who was in yesterday, plugged in my new modem and had me install some software on my computer. I thought it worked, and I am picking up a signal of some sort, but somewhere between my computer, that fancy new modem, and some Rogers hub, there is a break. So all three 'technicians' have been undone, foiled by this challenge. Between opening windows and installing software on a laptop, I'm still waiting for a champion to rescue me.

In my spare time, I've come to form a friendship with a concurrent tenant of my apartment, Pete the Pigeon. He's a pretty calm, down to earth type who doesn't get up in a flap over much. Especially not me opening the door and politely asking him not to crap on my balcony from his position on the light fixture. When you think about it, animals like mice, pigeons and the like are actually quite cute, it's only their defecation that causes a real problem. If they didn't crap everywhere, I'm sure we could get along swimmingly. I'm beginning to suspect that in addition to being a public health revolution, the toilet is also a tremendous social innovation. How would we ever be a social species without it.

wes